Dear Diary:
by Nunashi's DreamBerry
Summary: What will Harmione do when she finds a very disturbing Diary entry on the net, that seems to point strait to her enemy Draco Malfloy. The problem is Draco might kill himself, what can she do for him to heal his tortured past. c:Rape, Torture, HG+DM enjoy!
1. Dear Diary

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Harry Potter including the right to play with its character sketches.  
  
Title: Dear Diary  
  
Chapter: #1 Dear Diary  
  
Author: Jenn (Aka. DreamBerry, The girl who lived)  
  
Rating: Disturbing, involves abuse of many kinds,  
  
Writing on a computer.  
  
Dear Diary, God I sound like some kind of girl writing this. But I really need to vent, and no one I know will ever come across this. I can be consoled by that fact. And yet I need some advice.  
  
My father would kill me if he found out I was using this muggle contraption or writing this. I can't use a peace of paper some one might find it even if I burned it there are ways of bringing it back.  
  
I'm not here to say I'm not human or to laugh at you non-magic types. I'm here because I need to tell someone something that no one wants to know. No one is aloud to know, they'd be killed along with me.  
  
You see my father beats me, he sexually abuses me, he ties me up and doesn't feed me for days on end, he tortures me emotionally and physically. He killed my mother because she tried to protect me, tried to run away to tell some one. He says he's trying to make me stronger.  
  
I really don't need help I'm not asking for it. I just wanted to tell some one. You see I've cut my self more times than I can count, but only half wanting to die, the pain feels good it reminds me I'm alive, at least some what. And if I died from this? That would be my fate. Obviously someone would have wanted it this way.  
  
And people wonder why I'm so mean to them; they've been sheltered all their life. They don't know what I feel what I've been through they don't deserve to judge me and I don't deserve to have friends like them.  
  
I'm afraid I'll grow up to be exactly like him. Scratch that I know I'll be exactly like him. I can already feel the need for power running through my veins. I want to harm someone the control them like my father controls me and used to control my mother. Not the way I used to hurt my mother, while he laughed, I did that because my father made me. I hated doing it because it showed that he had even more control over me.  
  
I'd like to forget it all but the physical scars are too prominent. My hair for instance, White blond, it wasn't always that way. You know how people say that when you scared your hair turns white? Well I'm living proof my hair used to be a brown. And that is only the least painful. Unlike the gashes across my body, scars from knife wounds, bite marks and spells.  
  
He still abuses me, even more now that mother's gone. Now that she's gone I've become his new sex toy. He abused me before sexually but not as much. Maybe that's why I'm scared of relationships. I feel so dirty after and no amount of showering could ever make it come clean or get that taste from my mouth.  
  
I've been here to long. I'm sure I shouldn't have done this in the fist place. I'd like to thank you you've been the best listener I've ever talked to. Actually the only thing that's ever listened. And now I have to go home before he notices I'm gone. If he finds out I left without telling him I'll probably get beaten senseless. I feel so useless, defenceless, and powerless. It's like anything I do; I do it because he wants me to. I'd like to say I miss something, but I've never known anything to miss. I miss my mother but I would never wish her back to this hell. Wherever she is it couldn't be as bad as here maybe I'll kill myself, No, my father woul. Well I an out of room I better go don't expect to hear from me again.  
  
She quit reading the entry. It was quite disturbing her. Usually she looked for other wizards by using the search to search for words like muggle that occasionally got thrown in. She wasn't expecting this. Her mind had automatically jumped to the conclusion that I'm sure yours has. It must be Draco. She shook her head there where way to many young wizards for her to just dwindle it down to one in a matter of minuets.  
  
She sighed usually reading musings from her fellow wizards online Diaries made her feel better. This just made her feel she had to do something when she knew she couldn't. She felt almost as powerless as this person. On second thought no, she could never compare her life status to this.  
  
Her curiosity had got the best of her and she hacked into the person's diary personal information. There was nothing useful there, they where all alibis. All she found out was that the writer was definitely male, which she already knew from the first line of the diary.  
  
She tried to forget about it two shrug it off but the thing was driving her nuts. She copied the text onto Microsoft word and pressed the print button. It was two full pages long.  
  
She now had a mission she thought as she sat down on her bed. To at least find out who this person was. She read through the entree making notes on her pink smiley-face note pad. This is what she gathered.  
  
- Male  
  
- Father alive  
  
- Mother deceased  
  
- Father abusive  
  
- Has no respect for muggles (maybe)  
  
- Doesn't make friend easily (mean to other kids)  
  
- Suicidal tendencies  
  
- A need for power  
  
- White hair  
  
- Many bodily scars  
  
- Father doesn't let him out  
  
- Harmed physically and emotionally  
  
- Doesn't live in the muggle world (around computers)  
  
Then she made a list of all the young male wizards that she knew. After that was done she stroked off the names that didn't fit the physical characteristic, namely having blond hair, and the few boys that she had seen their chest minus scars. She frowned down at her list it was really incomplete. She knew very little boys outside of her grade and house. Draco's face was stuck in her mind though.  
  
She looked at the clock it was really late especially since her first day of school would be in the morning. She shut the computer down. Stuffed the printout and note pad into her bag and climbed into bed. But it was a while before she could fall asleep, and even when she did she couldn't get the diary entry off her mind and she didn't sleep well.  
  
I changed my mind I will keep this fic going thanks to all your nice reviews! Thanks for your support. I hope to hear from you again. Oh and thanks so much for the sp/grammar specific help I tried to patch it up!  
  
Thanks for taking the time to read it, I hope you liked it please Review. 


	2. A Train

Disclaimer: Still don't own it. I'm working on it but the future looks dim...  
  
Title: Dear Diary  
  
Chapter: #2 A Train  
  
Author: Jenn (Aka. DreamBerry, The girl who lived)  
  
Rating: Not as bad as in the last chapter at all!  
  
For the ppl: The next chapter you've been reviewing for!   
  
Hermione yawned as she got on the train, heading towards school. She shook her head she shouldn't have stayed up so late. She was late for the train because she didn't want to get up in the morning. He mom had to literally drag her out of bed. She walked down the long isle of cars and looked sheepishly in the window of each; they where all full. There where quite a few kids she didn't know 'New kids' she thought. She was looking for Harry or Ron each of which she knew she would recognize instantly. But what caught her eyes first surprised her, there was a shock of white blond hair in one of the carts and she started noticing the boy quickly.  
  
Usually the sight of the boy would fill her with loathing, but this was different, she felt sorry for him. Instantly her head went into a buzz of activity as it strived to find a reason why the boy would have done each of the cruel things he had done to her.  
  
She stopped short as she noticed that she had passed the cart that Harry and Ron had been in, she quickly retraced her steps and paused before entering she took a deep breath and put all thoughts of Draco out of her head. She didn't know for sure that it was him she reminded herself. For now she had to hate him as usual or the boys would get curious and she didn't want to bring anyone else in on this person's personal life, it was bad enough she had stumbled across it.  
  
She jumped as some one came down the hallway scaring her out of her thoughts "Out of the way moodblood" came a familiar sneer. Hermione turned quickly to face the boy as she backed up against the wall to make room for the him She looked strait into his eyes and this seemed to unnerve him for he looked down the isle avoiding her gaze and kept walking. Hermione stood against the wall for a minuet, for what she had seen in his eyes was not a cold hard cruelty as she had seen so many times before, but a sad broken boy desperately hiding behind walls of another personality.  
  
The door opened beside her on the wall. "Hey Harm!" said a cheery voice, and a hand reached out and grabbed her by her robes and pulled her in.  
  
"What an idiot" fumed Ron sitting in the window corner, "I heard that."  
  
Hermione smiled a little at her friend as she sat down behind him. "It's ok, I've kinda gotten used to it. One to his own"  
  
Harry raised an Eyebrow sitting across from her. "Mione learned to deal with Malfloy! Good job! Wish I could do the same." Hermione smiled even wider looking at her two best friends they had grown physically, Ron was even taller than his usual too tall for his age but Harry was starting to catch up, Maybe she had just stopped growing she thought happily.  
  
"So tell me about your summer" started Hermione happily.  
  
Harry Groaned "you really don't want to know!" Hermione laughed how she had missed these guys. And it wasn't long before the boys where talking of there favourite sport. Hermione closed her eyes and fell slowly asleep.  
  
But her dreams where not good ones: She dreamed she saw the boy, as he was beaten, tortured. But she couldn't scream out and she couldn't run for it was only dream but she didn't know that so she cried for him she felt helpless. She watched as he cried out silently, she could do nothing. And as the elder man left she went to the broken body and gathered it into her arms. She couldn't see the face because you don't see faces in dreams but she knew who it was. She soothed the white/blond bangs out of his face and cried for he could cry no more. "It's going to be ok," she whispered silently. She just wanted to help him to make him feel better "He brought a hand up to her face and let it fall again as his muscles failed. She took hold of his hand and just sat there rubbing his hand soothingly for she knew not what else to do. And slowly she sunk deeper into sleep to a place where dreams could no longer reach her.  
  
Thanks for taking the time to read it, I hope you liked it please Review. 


	3. Draco, Life

Disclaimer: Nope!  
  
Title: Dear Diary  
  
Chapter: #2 Draco, Life  
  
Author: Jenn (Aka. DreamBerry, The girl who lived)  
  
Rating: Humours kinda nothing really happens  
  
For the ppl: This chapter came quick but don't expect the 4th for a... Well I'll get it as quickly as possible.   
  
He lay in the long grass of the grounds of Hogwarts.  
  
--- He felt arms enclose his battered body and he felt strangely safe in this room of tortured memories. He wanted those arms to carry him out of this horrible place. But he somehow knew that the arms where not strong enough, and that he would have to do it himself. And the warm embrace was only there to give him hope and help; he would have to find a way to find the strength to take hold of his own destiny himself. But for now all he needed was those arms to hold him and sooth him as he tearlessly cried.  
  
This dream had been haunting him since the first days of school. He didn't mind it much for it wasn't only painful. The embrace reminded him vaguely of his mother of when he was smaller and he would run to her for comfort; that was before he found out that his father would punish her for it. ---  
  
This was the best place just to forget his memories, forget what he'd done, even who he was. For when he was there surrounded by nothing but grass, it didn't matter what he was just that he was.  
  
He sighed and sat up. His next class would be starting soon. He glanced around as his eyes adjusted to the bright sun for they had been closed and shaded for almost two hours. He spotted the three do-gooders of Hogwarts running along the shorter grass on their way to see their large friend Hagrid, the grounds keeper of the school. They where smiling as they ran, less a care in the world. Draco snorted, what idiots they looked but his eyes followed the girl for a moment longer than they should have. Her golden fuzz of hair cascaded behind her as she ran to catch the boys and the boys in turn ran after each other.  
  
Her hair in the golden sunlight looked much more flowing than fuzzy, and if he could have seen her eyes from this distance he knew he would have seen her light brown eyes ablaze with laughter. He could almost here there laughter from his far corner of the world. He would never admit it but his heart ached to be this carefree. He lay back down momentarily before getting up and walking solemnly back to the real world where he had to be whom he was and freedom was left behind. Hermione noticed the boy walking back towards the school. He didn't know that she was watching him, he hadn't noticed yet had been watching him for the past week, every chance she got. She knew it might just be her imagination, but he seemed to fit the diary entry more and more every day. She knew she could find out if it was he, she just didn't know what she would or could do about it.  
  
Yah I know the chapters are short... I'm sorry but that's just the way I write!  
  
Thanks for taking the time to read it, I hope you liked it please Review. 


	4. A Meeting

Disclaimer: my names not JK Rowling nor anyone semi-close to her.  
  
Title: Dear Diary  
  
Chapter: #4 A Meeting  
  
Author: Jenn (Aka. DreamBerry, The girl who lived)  
  
Rating: HeHeHe, careful, nothing physical tho. If U could stand the 1st chapie then you can definitely deal with this.  
  
For the ppl: Yey finally! gr. 12 is killer!   
  
"Hey" she stated quietly as she stood beside the now sitting up boy.  
  
"What do you want?" He asked grumpily.  
  
"It's not your grass is it she asked sitting dawn heavily a person width away from the boy.  
  
"Go for it!" he muttered as he lay back down and she followed suit the grass was strangely comfortable she thought to herself and she was sure that she could lay here all period. She looked over at the long grass between them and smiled at least he hadn't left when she came and in this tall grass no one would see them there.  
  
The moments ticked away  
  
'Why was she here' thought Draco to irritably she was ruining his time to himself time. He cringed a little at this next thought he had been in the grass with others, though specifically girls... Well she wasn't that bad looking he thought to himself remembering her running to Hagrids, and he was definitely not planning on doing anything with her.  
  
The thought hit him as a sour smile sped across his face. That didn't stop him from scaring her.  
  
She heard the grass rustle beside her and knew that the boy was stirring but to what end? Was he leaving or had he decided to attempt to make conversation? She had little more that a moment to think about it.  
  
The grass parted and she saw Draco's head on the other side he smiled. "Hey," he stated simply but something playful hinted in his eyes.  
  
He shifted his body so that there was only a small row of tall grass between them. Hermione's head screamed out, he was way to close for comfort. She tried not to squirm in discomfort. "This isn't to first time I've met a girl here you know?" He said edging closer. "but you are the first Grifindor."  
  
A shot of horror ran threw her and then she remembered the diary entrée, "I want to hurt someone."  
  
He must have seen the look of horror on her face for he rolled back over into his old spot but now on his stomach and he snickered silently in his arms. That would make her think twice before bothering him again.  
  
But in the grass she remained for both were stubborn not to be the first to give up and leave. He did succeed in making her feel even more uncomfortable though. She crossed her arms over her now to noticeably protruding chest and tried to relax. He was just trying to annoy her she knew but really she knew that he had succeeded and there was nothing she could do to change that fact.  
  
----  
  
"Hey M-girl you're going to be late for class." Hermione looked at her watch. He was right she sighed I guess he's just going to have to with this round she thought as she picked herself up and started walking towards the school.  
  
Draco couldn't help but glance at the girl she had courage standing up against him. and he promised himself there would be no next time.  
  
He waited until she was in the school to pick himself up and make his way across the grounds to class. 


	5. A project

Disclaimer: wished I  
  
Title: Dear Diary  
  
Chapter: #5 A Project  
  
Author: Jenn (Aka. DreamBerry, The girl who lived)  
  
Rating: were going not so bad from now on  
  
For the ppl:   
  
Today you will be conducting an assignment you will be pared with...  
  
Hermione wasn't listening. Draco? He sat in his desk half listing to the teacher. Her heart skipped a beat. She tore her eyes off the boy. What was going on? She sank down in her seat suddenly aware of how lose Harry and Ron were sitting around her. She closed her eyes and willed it not to be so. Not again she had felt this before. She supposed it should be natural but she was sick of it. Yes indeed she was getting a grade A crush on Draco Malfloy.  
  
The class groaned and she woke up from her musings. She looked at her friends. "What's up? I wasn't listening."  
  
Harry gave her a quizzical look  
  
"Were being pared up with Slytherin for a new project." Ron stated cringing.  
  
"Groups of two" Harry added  
  
Hermione's eyes were on the front as the teacher explained. "We will be going to Hogsmade for a trip. Each pair will be expected to stay together. I expect you to show each other where you usually go on a trip to Hogsmade. At the end of this exercise you will be writing down your thoughts on a person in a diary entrée. What you think of that person and why..." Hermione's mind raced as much as she didn't want to be paired with the boy a part of her was wishing with all it's heart.  
  
"Harry Potter , Pansy Parkinson" the teacher cut into her thoughts. And once again "Dean Thomas, Millicent Bulstrode", Hermione Granger and Draco Malfloy." Her heart stopped beating. Both her friends gave her pitying glances she ignored them. Draco Malfloy? What were the odds? She then noticed that all the students that had been called were lining up against the walls. She blushed deeply and went to take her place beside her new partner.  
  
He smiled at her in a creepy sort of way and she shuddered and tried to smile back nicely. It wasn't long before the children were marching threw the school on there way to hogsmade. Two by two.  
  
-------  
  
"So I suppose were heading for the bookmobile" Draco smiled menacingly.  
  
"If that's were you want to go Malfloy," She replied hotly.  
  
"well were supposed to go to the girls hangouts first if you didn't know."  
  
Hermione fumed but began leading him around town. It wasn't long before she realized she had been tricked not all the groups were boy girl nor could they be. She had lost yet again. Oh well she thought looking sidelong at the boy. At least I can get to know him better.  
  
To her surprise he stopped her at a ice-cream parlour and bought her one. Wizarding ice cream was the best she thought as she licked it and the taste exploded in her mouth. It wasn't long before Hermione thought she had been just about everywhere in Hogwarts and her feet were beginning to hurt.  
  
Draco stopped. "Ok, Granger, do you really want to see where I hang out?"  
  
Hermione choked she really didn't know. "Guess I don't want my findings to be biased.  
  
Draco led her deep into the outskirts of the village introducing her to some very shady looking wizards. "This is one of the places I go to be alone. No one bothers me here they all know me, threw my dad of course. It might sound strange but I feel kind of peaceful here. After all it is where I grew up."  
  
No sooner had he said that then the girl saw the sr. Malfloy walking their way. "Draco she whispered. There's you father."  
  
Draco looked around quickly spotted him and ducked the girl into an alleyway. Hermione looked into the boy's eyes. "Why are you hiding?" she whispered.  
  
"I don't want to see him right now is all, especially not with you." He broke eyes contact.  
  
She watched as Draco's father passed she shivered a little. "lets get back ok?"  
  
Draco nodded "Sounds good."  
  
----  
  
"So how did I grade?" Draco asked on the way back.  
  
Hermione though for a minuet, "You know you didn't grade bad, just different then me a guess. You where nice, kind if curt. But definitely not mean and you had the guts to show me the real you no just some fake uptown bitty."  
  
Draco nodded happy with the answer. "and you aren't half bad for a book- loving muggleborn." He concluded. "It's amusing how we can actually be civil with each other when we are made to."  
  
Hermione nodded. He was different not evil. And even if he was such it was only because he had been reared that way. He wasn't mean only closed- minded. She could feel that mind beginning to open. She wanted to show him her world and maybe even get to know his a little better.  
  
Short? be more soon -Jenn 


	6. Journal

Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
Title: Dear Diary  
  
Chapter: #6 Journal  
  
Author: Jenn (Aka. DreamBerry, The girl who lived)  
  
Rating: were going not so bad from now on  
  
For the ppl: Ok here we go again.... === diary entree  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------  
  
======== Dear Diary:  
  
Upon doing this assignment I have realized that Draco and I or more truly the Slitherin and the Grifindor are really not that different. I have been closed minded from the beginning I guess knowing that the most bad wizards come from Slytherin I tagged them all as bad. This boy in particular was quite civil and I found myself almost enjoying the time we spent together. It was both interesting and eye opening seeing the world that he lives in. It being not so much bad as different. He was raised quite differently then I so I should imagine how differently our lives would clash by this point. That is not a reason however for discrimination. My eyes have been opened to the eyes of another point of view entirely. To the view of a boy who has been raised to hate me and people like me. And who he himself may be questioning those principals. I hope he continues to do so and someday comes to realize as I have that differences are not bad simply different. =======  
  
She rolled up her assignment that she had been doing and opened her diary.  
  
======= Dear Diary:  
  
I just sent one of the most confusing days of my life today. And I'm sure my whole view on my life has changed. To begin with I have a new crush. His name is Draco Malfloy. Yes the same boy who has haunted my life for so long. I don't know why but he seems different now. But I come to ask myself is it only he who has changed or is it also that I have I come to see him as something other then just another bad little boy? That I have given him a chance. Maybe that was all that he needed. A chance with eyes unclouded.  
  
Today Draco and I had been pared for and assignment. We had to show each other around town the way we saw it. It really opened my eyes to his world. He even bought me ice-cream! When we spotted his father. Draco hid, I don't think he liked to be meeting his father with me. But might it be something more. Dear Diary could Draco really be that poor tortured boy from that diary? Could it really be? What can I do? =======  
  
She suddenly had an idea she opened up her laptop that she got out of her chest. She logged on to the site that she had found the mysterious diary entrée on. And began typing. "Dear Diary."  
  
------  
  
======= Diary Entrée assignent:  
  
Today I met a girl I thought I had already known. But I find myself questioning that. Are muggle-borns truly that bad? Is everything I have brought up to believe untrue? Could Hermione Granger be as much something as you and I? Could she be more? She gave me a second chance when I have been nothing but indescribably cruel to her. How can she be so, nice, so accepting. I'm sorry I can't write more I kneed to think things over for myself. =======  
  
======= Dear Diary:  
  
I met this girl today. A girl I had known for quite a while. But never actually seen for who she was. I'm so confused was I always wrong? I don't understand. I really had fun as much as I wasn't supposed to. And I want to again as much as a know I never can. Life was hard before but so much less confusing. =======  
  
He submitted the entree then searched threw his old entrees. They were so dark and confused. One other entrée caught his eye Granger. Hermione? Could it be?  
  
======= Draco? Is that you? I had a really fun time today and I found it quite interesting. I just wanted to tell you that. =======  
  
'Granger? Is that you Hermione?' Draco typed it just had to be. Had she seen the other entrée his heart stopped no one was ever supposed to find this.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------  
  
don't know when the next ones coming sorry I need to be studying for Philosophy! 


	7. An End

Disclaimer: working on it  
  
Title: Dear Diary  
  
Chapter: #7 An End  
  
Author: Jenn (Aka. DreamBerry, The girl who lived)  
  
Rating: swearing. You don't like swearing then don't read it  
  
For the ppl: What's going o happing now (cringe)  
Thanks very much to all who've reviewed  
  
She smiled a Draco as she entered the classroom. He didn't smile back, didn't even acknowledge her being in the room. She sat beside Harry and Ron. Then were talking about Quittich. Did they talk of nothing else? Draco was just playing it cool right he was just. He leaned over and whispered to Pansy Parkenson. She smiled at him and looked back straight at Hermione. The girl quickly looked down at her papers.  
  
What was that? Draco was talking about her behind her back? Did he really not mean what he had said before? Was he just playing with her. He had seemed so sicear. He whispered again and she laughed out loud. She had followed him like a cat after a piece of string. She couldn't believe this he seemed so sincere. And she had felt sorry for him she had-  
  
"Hermione, Earth to Hermione. Hello"  
  
The girl turned to look a her friends. "What"  
  
They both took a step back, "what geze. We were just asking how your little date went."  
  
"Date? You know what fuck you I'm not in the mood for this right now."  
  
Then boys looked at each other. She heard them whispering. "what does fuck mean?" "Muggle swear word." "Hermione just swore." "Must have been that bad eh?"  
  
She tried desperately to block them out of her head as well as ignore Draco on the other side of the room.  
  
She walked silently up to the front of the class when her name was called and handed in her report. She wished she had time to change it. She even thought about pretending not to have it done. But that would mean him winning. She placed the paper on the pile.  
  
She stuck up her nose as she turned to the boy and went back to her seat. It was all she could do to bury her head in her book for the rest of class to stop from jumping up and pounding Draco Malfloy.  
  
Stupid Mud-blood bitch she had seen his Diary entrée. She had read his thoughts and. She had. Grrrrrr. She needed to. Stupid girl where did she get off being aloud to but into his life like this. He was perfectly fine before, Unhappy but what in the hell did that matter? Why did she have to but in.  
  
Why did she have to go and try to fix it? When she found it why did she have to care. Caring was a feeling that no Malfloy was aloud to show outside of a family. He didn't understand. His father wouldn't care if all muggles on earth were destroyed horribly. Why did she care if he had a little pain.  
  
He would get her for this and her little heart would make it far too easy for this. He would simply spite her. She wanted to help him. He would make her think it all in vein and hate her in return.  
  
Why could she care?  
  
He passed her in the hallway and his geerings would ecco loud and true. She would burn each word into her heart as she ran down the hall. Why had she trusted him he would never change he was really evil and. She wished she didn't still feel bad for him.  
  
But she did.  
  
Stupid Muggleborn filth Out of our way brainy nothing Look who has the answer When is she going to get a life Get out of our school Learn how to-  
  
Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you!  
  
OkOkOk I know you didn't like it. There is a reason for this tho. More to come.  
  
-Jenn 


End file.
